Alcohol Intolerance
by JuHuaTai
Summary: Ace is an honest drunk, Thatch regretted his innocent 'Whatchu thinking about' question, and everyone kept popping up for some reason. [Rated for Language]


Alternative Title: Ace is Drunk Rambling and No One Can or Want to Stop Him

* * *

Okay, listen, i've been thinking about it and i didn't know why i didn't realize it before but now i do. Marco? He's fucking _hot_.

Ew! Thatch, what the hell?! Why'd you spray your drink at me!?

What? You asked what i was thinking about and that's, like, the only thing i can think about for the past… what, week, month, i don't know, i've been thinking about it a lot lately. Like i don't know how where that even came from, he's so… stupid, you know? Like who is his barber and did they even go to a barber school? Who put that kind of hairstyle on any human being and think it's okay? I'm not going to say i'm some expert on fashion and hairstyle but i know a disaster when i see one.

Oh, shit, really? Izou cut it for him? Oh fuck, don't tell him what i said then.

But, no, no but it doesn't matter because that's the thing! He had the stupidest haircut i've ever seen and yet, i still think he's hot as fuck! He looks like… like, like a sex pineapple on legs.

Stop spraying your drink at me!

I felt so stupid not realizing this before! I mean, i always thought he's hot, i mean, he walked around with that stupid open shirt and his body is cut as shit, like i want to lick that washboard abs and sleep on those broad chest of his also oh my god, his shoulder are like sooo comfy, i fell asleep on the deck once and he carried me to my room it's not even a narcolepsy attack, i was just lazy and want to avoid deck cleaning work but oh shit, he's so warm and his shoulder is so buff and he smelled so nice i don't know what it is, like something baked or roasted and it kinda reminded me of food.

Hmm? What? I'm drool— Oh whoops, yeah i'm drooling.

Stop squirming, i need to wipe 'em off somewhere and you're the closest thing!

Whatever, it's not like you're not going to wash your shirt tomorrow anyway.

Anyway, he also has a nice ass.

Stop drinking if you're going to keep spraying at me!

But yeah like, you can bounce a quarter off from that thing and— Oh, oh god his thighs, i saw him in the shower once and i think i have seen heaven but like before i go up there i want to choose how to die and i want to die being squished between them. I— Oo, Thatch you look a bit green, i told you to stop drinking. Give it to me.

Where was i? Oh yeah, i wanna die crushed between Marco's thigh.

Huh? Oh, hi, Izou!

Yeah, i'm just telling Thatch that! Like if people said it's better to die surrounded by something you love then like can i just die between the most glorious thing i've ever seen in my life? They're so long and strong and them muscle makes these knees weak, but it kind of makes sense like doesn't he kick people all the time that's kinda hot. I liked being kicked by him, it hurts but i don't know how to explain it like i felt kinda funny and good and…

Huh? A masochist? What's that?

Ugh, you two are weird.

But now that i'm thinking about it now, which one is going to be better? Suffocated by his thigh or chest, cuz those are like some next level juicy as well, i don't like to say that someone is in better shape than me but he needs to join me with being shirtless, okay? It's a crime, a crime i tell you to hide that torso, it's a crime to literally hide his body in any piece of clothing but i think if he doesn't wear anything that's also a different crime.

Who cares about crime though, we're pirates!

And then he got Pops' mark on his chest, i never really saw how tattoo makes someone hot until i saw his, it's so aesthetically appealing and it kinda draws your eyes to his chest do you think he did that on purpose?

That Marco puts his tattoo on his chest, Vista. Like you can't tell me he didn't do that so everyone will pay attention to the fact that he has like the hottest chest in the world? Oh hey, is that rum, gimme gimme.

Thatch! Meanie! Give me that rum! I'll burn you if you don't, don't think i won't! No i haven't have too much, i can still drink!

Hmph.

Back to what i was talking about… what did i talk about?

Marco's best feature…. Marco's best feature…. Hmm, that's actually a tough question. Okay, i love his thigh and legs, like they're so long and sexy and did you guys ever notice that he can kick them until they went over his shoulder like that's some circus shit, right? I once saw him kicking this massive fucker holding him like that and probably blind the guy is that a Phoenix thing or is that a Marco thing? Either way it's hot with a capital H like i can write a book about them but i don't like writing and i don't like reading.

But then his abs is also great? They're like, they're like so solid, i bump to him once and i wish Namur hadn't been with me to pull me up because i want to lay there forever. It's sooo smooth, he needs to be shirtless like completely and like yesterday. I'm going up to Pops and demanding to make that a rule.

No wait, i got it! My favorite— _hiccup!_ My favorite part of him is his hands. Oh. My. God. His haaands.

They're so… _pretty_. So long and his fingers are thin but long and they're actually really, really soft like a baby's do you think his Devil Fruit caused that? And they're so agile, oof they're so beautiful, like i looove bringing him the paperwork cause i get to watch them dance over paper and it's so elegant and the way he would like them with his tongue before turning a page aaah i'm so weak!

Shit, oh my god. Marco reading a book, fucking best sight ever. Like number one jerk off material.

Eww! Thatch stop spraying— Oh hey Blamenco, hey Atmos. Atmos, dude, close your mouth, you'll attract flies.

Well, i'm not saying i ever really jerk off to it—

Pfft, i'm lying. Yeah i jerked to it. Weird, right? Like it's not even sexual or anything but i still feel so damn hot and it's so embarrassing i thought he might've seen that i got a hard on but he didn't say anything, do you think he might've caught me? He's really nice, i'm sure he won't mention it but i'll get pretty embarrassed if he ever find out.

Hmm? Why would i be embarrassed now? He's not here, you're not making any sense, Kingdew.

And i—

What the— Hey, Thatch? Did he pass out?

Ow, Izou stop pulling on my arm. What happened? Well, i think it was a couple of weeks ago? Fossa told me to bring these paperworks to Marco because he got some other errand to run so i did and when i came in, he was sitting on his bed, glasses on and i never had any opinion on glasses but him wearing one is sooo…. eh, what's the word i'm looking for…

 _Hot,_ right. Thanks Blenheim— Hey, when did you get here?

Uuh, where was i? Right, so there he was, lounging on his bed reading but like… sexily. He had glasses on and they're thick as fuck how bad is his eyesight? They're still kinda sexy so whatever. The glasses kinda drops down when he look at me and… and … _uuunff._

Ew, Curiel, no i didn't come in my pants.

Close though.

Oh, yeah, he licked his fingers before dog earring his book and again, _unnnf_. Hooow. It's sooo unfair that someone can be so hoooot.

I stayed cause i have to give those papers back to Fossa so i waited for him to sign 'em and even just doing that he looked so sexy. It's those fucking glasses why doesn't he kept glasses on every day?

Then i'll buy him millions of 'em so he'll always have a replacement if he broke them on a battle!

Jozu, you don't get it, he's like… he's like some _god on earth_ when he wears them. Like, like, okay, okay, if Boa Hancock is the most beautiful woman in the world, then we got the most handsome man right here, in our ship and, and—

 _Objective?!_ I'll show you objective!

Oh shut up, Haruta you got shit taste! You wanna fight for it, i'll fight you for it—

Ooh, whiskey. Don't mind if i do. Thanks, Rakuyo.

Aaah, that hit the spot.

Uuuh, what was i talking about?

I was talking about Marco's fingers? Well, they're so long and elegant and soft and nice and long and… and… and like…

Unf.

Nooo, i'm not thinking something dirty, but like…

Okay maybe a bit. They're so nimble and long i wonder if they're really good at fingering.

Hey, did Thatch pass out again? When did he even wake up?

Well, you know, like doing that sex thing but not with penis but with your finger first? How come you didn't know, Namur, do Fishmen do it differently?

Huh? Of course i have, ugh you guys always sees me like a kid. Well i'm not, i've had sex before, and i know all kinds of stuff, okay, so stop acting like i'm a baby or something, i'm a pirate and Whitebeard's commander!

Pssh, i can hold my drink! See, i'm still sober!

Oh, whoa, Jiru, you're here. And there's two of you. There's two of all of you guys, you all have twins and you never told me?

Yeah, i had sex before. Once.

Ugh, whatever, i still have sex.

Ugh, Izou what's with all of the question? I said i did.

…Okay, it's a blowjob.

I-it's not like that! I just… i mean the guy was nice and all but i don't really know him and i… i don't know, i want to save myself, you know? Like Dadan always said that it's supposed to be something special for someone special and i don't think some guy i met in some bar is it, you know?

Does… does that make me childish after all?

…Aww, thanks, Fossa. That's… that's really nice of you to say.

If i can see that special someone being Marco?

Uhm… i don't… i don't know.

Huh, what i felt for him?

I….

….

He… you know, before i finally accept being a part of this crew, it was him who finally got through to me. He actually gave me a choice for one, but then when he explained why you're all so loyal to Pops, he smiled and looked so happy when answering me and i…

You know what, i think i figured out the word that i actually want to use to describe Marco.

Beautiful.

He's hot, he's sexy, and he's so kind and i like looking at him smile, i like it when he smile at me and he's such a warm person inside and out and i'm a fire logia you know, i like warm things but i also…

I need that.

And i think he knows that too so he always lets me be close, he listens to my problem, he help me train and be stronger, he show me the ropes both when i was a rookie and when i become a commander, and he always understood me. Even when i couldn't talk and explain he'd realize it took and he'd just be there because i need someone to be there and deep down i always like him and i kept looking for him because of it that i'm afraid i'm disturbing him but he'll always told me not to hesitate so i don't.

And he's, he's all i can ever think about all the time. About how much i want to always be close to him, how comfortable he makes me feel, and he's…. yeah, he's special but not only on the whole sex thing, but i never felt anything like this about anyone, this, this warm feeling in my chest whenever i'm thinking about him…

Oh.

So you're saying that that's what liking someone is like, Pops?

So..

So i like Marco.

Oh.

Haha.

That felt weird. I felt a bit tingly somehow saying that.

Not a bad tingly either, it's just… nice.

…

Oh goood, i think you guys are right, i'm sooo drunk right now. Can someone help me up i think i need to go back to my room.

Guys?

Come on, why are you all so quiet, can someone help me go back to my room? Or just stand up, i can't see straight—

Whoa! Hey, haha, i didn't know someone was behind me, thanks for the hel—

Oh hey, Marco. When did you get here?

* * *

Marco's been there the entire time because _Ace had been drinking with him_ , he left for a while and just didn't know how to make himself known after Ace started talking and people started showing up.

Also yes, he's great at fingering.

But Ace only knows of it the night after this because Ace was out of his mind drunk after all and Marco is a gentleman.


End file.
